Hello, internet!

Greetings to all of my fans. Which, since no one knows about this blog yet, is no one. Monday will mark the first weekly Woman On The Internet blog. Before that, I should probably introduce myself and explain my qualifications, so you know I’m not just another blogger making stuff up and calling it an informed opinion.

My real name is Amy. But when I introduce myself as such online, I am met with disbelief and anger. Men are quick to point out that women online are either porn stars or not real, and can get very belligerent when I claim otherwise. So I’ve skipped straight ahead to calling myself Woman On The Internet, and getting any incredulity and gnashing of teeth out of the way early. As for really being a woman, only my very close friends and my gynecologist can actually vouch for me. But I myself have no doubt about it.

Last I checked, I looked kind of like this.

My qualifications:
1) I am, as stated, a woman. And I am on the internet. I thought I should be clear about that.
2) My mother, my sister, and many of my best friends are women.
3) Being bisexual, I’ve dated several women; in fact, all of my girlfriends have been women.
4) I went to college for sociology.
5) I own four cats. Each has four feet and no shoes. I have two feet and sixteen pairs of shoes.

Look at my cat, damn it!

Translating women and explaining their delightfully insane ways is a hobby of mine, which I eventually realized might be of use to some people. As a public service, I have started this blog. But until you start sending me some questions – either here or at WomanOnTheInternet@hotmail.com – I’m really just talking to myself. So save me from being like that crazy guy on the bus, and send me your most mystifying questions about the curvier sex.